I had a friend ask me the difference between ethics and etiquette. After all, she said, people who act on sound ethical principles are often the same people who care enough about others to have good manners. Is it possible to have good ethics and bad etiquette, or vice versa? She has an excellent point, but I have to disagree.
Ethics - Doing the right thing.
Etiquette - Doing things the right way.
It's entirely possible to be an sociopath without a conscience that has impeccable manners - the movies and literature are full of "gentleman criminals," like Ted Bundy or Al Capone. It often suits their purpose to be kind and charming. (In certain circumstances, of course!)
It is also entirely possible to be a clean-living, upstanding citizen with no social graces whatsoever. We all have at least one friend or acquaintance who may be a very ethical, good-hearted person who damages his career, reputation or relationships with poor etiquette - he is chronically late, inappropriately dressed, incessantly interrupts, speaks too loud or smells bad. Dr. Gregory House from the TV series "House" is a great example an talented doctor with a good heart but comes across as irascible and has terrible manners.
Right or wrong, we tend to judge the surface of a person's behavior to give us clues about a person's motives and standards. The judgments we make are usually right, but we're wrong often enough. The dissonance between motives and behavior creates these great complex characters for movies and literature.
What do you think? Do ethics and etiquette usually run together or not?
8 comments:
I am quite a sloppy person myself and I hate it. I believe etiquette is a sign of self-respect first and respect of others as a consequence except when it is a sleazy ploy by dishonest people to win approval and trust.
I was working at a casino once and a customer complained that another customer smelled. I went there and it was unbearable. A nice enough looking person reeking of fish. I guess an honorable profession I love fish, but we had to tell him to have a shower first and that he is most welcome after that :)
That is a good question - my mom always pounded into us how important good manners are. 20 some years later and I still can't go to a nice dinner without her voice ringing in my head (whether I want it there or not!). Then again, I know plenty of people who have nice manners - but wouldn't hesitate to sell a close family member for a buck.
Maybe ethics and etiquette don't really go together?
Great post - lots to think about!
Katherine
No, they don't run together but often times if you don't care about outward appearances you probably don't care what people think and might be inclined to take the easy short cuts.
Thanks Alex - I don't envy your job - it's really hard to break the news to someone that they reek of fish. (!) How do you manage that without upsetting them?
One Creative Queen-
I wish more Moms were like yours! I worry about kids these days - it doesn't seem like their parents are teaching them much about etiquette. As much as the voice ringing in our heads gets on our nerves, at least we have an idea of what is expected. A lot of young people these days seem not to have a clue.
Best wishes! (And thank your Mom!)
-Paula
Jen - I agree. Taking shortcuts with your appearance often means you don't care about the people you're meeting with. This happens sometimes when people don't like their jobs and start to let their dress standards, hygiene and manners slide.
I don't think they realize how loudly this communicates to their bosses and co-workers "I don't like you guys and I don't want to be here!" Usually not a good message to project, unless you've got another job lined up!
Warm regards from snowy Utah,
-Paula
Hi they are both totally different things or concepts as far as my understanding of the words. Nice post!
I have never thought of it this way. You have given a better yet concise definition (differentiation)for the two terms.
I must add, that the two are always relative. For any good or etiquette stems from a person's ethical values or standards. Also, these are relative where culture is concerned. Meaning, what could be right in another cultural context, maybe construed ill-mannered in another, vise versa.
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